My life has always been an open book, at least for those who know me and my family (closest friends and relatives) and I am never ashamed to share what our family went through. Our family was once shattered. At age 10 things were very hard decipher, i can't figure why our Papa just suddenly stopped going home to us after work, why Mama would always cry her self to sleep, etc. It was confusing and rather difficult for all 3 of us (elder sister; 11yrs.old and younger brother; 9yrs. old) to understand and accept that our father has left us. Little did we know that our parents had been having a problem, they were happy and very sweet to each other, we never even saw or heard any squabbling, we lived a simple life so we thought we are happy..we actually were.. until the day Papa left.
It was when Mama had a miscarriage that we knew she was pregnant when Papa left. She was confined at Lourdes Hospital (Sta.Mesa) and that was where and how I met the reason why our father left us. It was one of the most unforgettable days in my life. I wanted to ask my father why he tagged her along at the hospital (she just stayed in the lobby though), why he had to leave and hurt us, etc. I wanted to scold and curse him for all the sufferings we've been going through, I wanted to blame him for the loss of the child mom was carrying..but I kept it all inside me and did nothing but cry. I guess that's all you can do when you're just 10yrs. old. Papa said he would take me home from the hospital, I was crying the whole time we were inside the cab, worst part was we never went straight home, instead we headed to SM Centerpoint where they did some grocery shopping. Maybe they thought my non-stop weeping was a form of guilt-tripping or they probably though they can pacify my torment by buying me a Barbie Doll.
I wish I can still remember how the Barbie looked like; her dress and the accessories..so I can share it here in my blog..but I can't. Simply because I didn't play with that fashion doll. Sure she's every little girl's treasure and I've always been jealous of our playmates for having different barbie collections, but I didn't like mine. If I had gotten the barbie as a present from my Mom or my Aunts for Christmas or birthdays it would have been more special, I would have treasured and showed it to my playmates with so much pride and happiness.
I like Barbie Dolls, I am still in awe every time I see how they are beautifully designed and fabulously dressed...but they never fail to bring back sad memories. :(
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